Remember, remember the Fifth of November... pew pew, pew pew

A birthday haiku for you:

hey, a screwdriver

the perfect present, thanks guy!

no more dark showers

happy birthday casey with laser eyes!

Steph's Finest Hour... pew pew, pew pew.

Turn that frown upside down.

Farmer Strikes Back... pew pew, pew pew.

"YOU get a barnyard animal! And YOU get a barnyard animal! And YOU get a barnyard animal. EVERYONE gets a barnyard animal!"

What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas... pew pew, pew pew.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up! And also, WTF is this giant faucet doing here? Somebody's gonna pay for this!"

Spot the Witch... pew pew, pew pew.

This one needs no lasers for her Evil Death Glare can turn even the hardest teachers to stone.

We Build Shit... pew pew, pew pew.

"We built this city on Rock and Roll." God bless Jefferson Starship.

Martha Stewart Does Bacon Spaghetti... pew pew, pew pew.

"It's BAAAAAACONNNNNN!"

R-E-S-P-E-C-T... pew pew, pew pew.

Johnny 5 IS alive.

Easing into Porn... pew pew, pew pew.

"Science man. We need to do some SCIENCE."

You Make Bath Time Lots of Fun... pew pew, pew pew.

"Fuck no I ain't got no bread!"

Burt McCrackin... pew pew, pew pew.

Casey always loved a good 'ole hard boiled egg.

Caseyzilla... pew pew, pew pew.

"Your love makes me angry and I'm a giant."

Pucker Up... pew pew, pew pew.

Who invited the melon head to the bar? Pew pew, pew pew. Casey's Laser Eyes make fruit salad outta Joey Buttafuoco's ridiculous melon hat. Take that, Guido.

On the Wings of Love... pew pew, pew pew.

The first day of Kindergarten proved to be a fatal one for Orange Class. After hearing Casey belt out the lyrics to Jeffrey Osborne's magnum opus On The Wings of Love, Orange Class couldn't help but dish out the boos. Only Julie, The Golden Child, was spared, as she's also a huge "Bachelor" fan. Casey's laser eyes will teach Korea a lesson about knockin' a cheesy, over-produced American "reality" television show. Take that, Peanut Gallery.

Soccer Slayer... pew pew, pew pew.

Laser Eyes Fooseball: Casey goes for the kill. And also, no drinks on the table, man.

*Editor's Note: due to extreme mid-week drunkenness and debauchery, the editor was too retarded to commentate this post. She is sorry, especially considering the phallic nature of the photo and the many possibilities it would have afforded her. She will not let Casey or her Laser Eyes down again.

Team Laser... pew pew, pew pew.

Although Mr's T's rogue fist can easily defeat Pablo Escobar's coke-atrophied-pathetic-excuse-for-a-manly-arm arm, they're both no match for Casey's Laser Eyes. Go TEAM!

The Headband From Hell... pew pew, pew pew.

Casey's always gotta be the dopest hottie in the club. Ain't no miniature business woman hand fairy gonna outshine her. At least not with the Laser Beam Death Glare. ZAP! Working Girl goes down!

Rock Hard... pew pew, pew pew.

Having successfully completed George Fox University's online course, "Laser Eyes 101," Casey has graduated to lasering stone. That stone's no match for her red hot laser beams.

Don't Forget The Tampons... pew pew, pew pew.

Casey gets shit done.

*Editor's Note: Stephanie and Mindy were laughing their asses off at this tidbit of geniosity. Much crying and snorting took place. You're welcome.

And By Meat, I Mean His Hair... pew pew, pew pew.

Sweet grill marks, Casey

Ass Hands... pew pew, pew pew.

"There's no hay at this wedding, Farmer. Step aside." Casey shows no shame when confronting her attacker. She goes straight for the heart, ass, and cajones. Keep it real, Casey!

And a Side of Fries, Please... pew pew, pew pew.

Casey knows how to keep her eyes on the prize with those hot, hot Laser Eyes.

Playing Favorites... pew pew, pew pew.

Casey plays favorites by reserving her "Laser Whitening Eyes" for Vanessa's teeth. Lucky girl. Show off those pearly whites!

Laser Eyes, Awry... pew pew, pew pew.

Uninhibited by buckets of alcohol, Casey's Laser Eyes go berserk at the Full Moon party. Watch out, guy.

Mikey! Over here! pew pew, pew pew.

Casey decided to spice up an otherwise boring night by bustin' out her Laser Eyes. Mikey was not amused.

Taste the Rainbow...pew pew, pew pew.

Casey's Laser Eyes were put to the test when five radioactive kittens showed up underneath the Christmas tree. Way to keep Christmas safe for us all!

Watch Out Guy... pew pew, pew pew.

Even on vacation, Casey's Laser Eyes are at the height of efficiency, slewing a wading cow and a drifting schooner all while working on her tan. Way to go, Casey!

Hot Wings... pew pew, pew pew.

Ever the gracious host, Casey sets her Laser Eyes to microwave mode and whips up a tasty snack for her good friend Stephanie.

Casey Teacher Slays Another Student... pew pew, pew pew.

"DANIEL, TWO HANDS. ALWAYS TWO HANDS."

Hippity Hoppity... pew pew, pew pew.

When Vanessa politely suggested bringing along her furry friend to da club, Casey's Laser Eyes were havin' none of it. Rabbits and clubs don't mix, Vanessa.

Laser Eyes, Laser Ass... pew pew, pew pew.

"Y'all best be gittin' that ass outta my ways, or I'ma laser it. Now git me nutha beer"

Get That Duck Outta My Face... pew pew, pew pew

When in da club, Casey don't wanna share da dance floor wit no duck. Pew pew, pew pew. She takes dat duck out wit her Laser Eyes. Watch out now!